I’ve never really bought in to the idea of fate, of destiny, of something higher than myself. I’m not sure that I do now, either.
But a few years ago, it felt like my eyes were opened. Opened to more than just an ordinary life, to just living for the weekend or working your life away to progress up the traditional career ladder.
I’d always wanted a job that I was passionate about, that made me happy and didn’t just pay the bills, but since being awakened to ideas like following your calling, asking the universe for what you want and the law of attraction, more felt possible than ever before.
But with that possibility has, I feel, came an unrelenting pressure. A pressure to fill your potential at all times, to not waste a moment, to follow the right path towards the right thing and to be your best self always. And sometimes the pressure is too much to take.
I think I’m doing okay right now. I chose to leave a mind blowing but high pressure job because I didn’t want to tag along on someone else’s journey, I wanted to walk my own. I decided to stop working as a freelancer because although it seemed the trendy, millennial thing to do (and I was pretty good at it too), it sucked the life out of me and sent me spinning to my lowest times yet. I chose to go back to work – but not by applying, hoping for the best and waiting for someone else to decide my fate. Instead, I knew the job I wanted and asked for it, even though it didn’t exist yet. I got it, and this time right now is definitely the happiest, least stressed and most balanced I’ve been for a long time.
But even though I really enjoy my job, I feel like there’s room for so much more. My mind spins with creative ideas and desires and visions of what I think my ‘dream life’ could be, but I’m never sure if they’re true and real or not.
When you feel like you have a duty to follow your calling and live out some kind of destiny, the pressure to find that destiny becomes unrelenting and heavy.
What if you shouldn’t have taken that job? What if you’ve made the wrong decisions? What if you’re moving away from your goal instead of towards it, even though you don’t really know what that goal is?
I know I have power within me to do something great, and I have the ambition to live the best life possible, but sometimes I worry so much about getting to that, that it brings me down in the current moment.
And I know, I know – it’s about the journey, not the destination. Cheesy, right? But I think it’s true. The more you can revel and enjoy and be grateful for where you’re at right now, rather than where you think you should be, the happier a life you’ll lead. It’s true that comparison is the thief of joy and as well as comparing my own success to that of others, I often compare who I am today to who I think or expect that I should be, even though I can’t know who that person is until I’ve become her.
I beat myself up pretty much daily for not working hard enough, not pushing myself to my limits, not doing that thing on my to-do list that only I have set for myself. I know that ‘making it’ takes hard graft, and I’m not shy to that, but after 3 non-stop years that have taken a toll on my body and mind, don’t I deserve to give myself a break? To wait until my mind is ready to do what needs to be done without veering closer to self-destruct?
The world is becoming more and more full of people breaking the rules, living outside the norm and carving their own path, and the pressure to keep up is astounding.
But what if it’s okay to just like where you are? To know you’ve taken the right move for right now? To be content, but not euphoric?
I think holding yourself to an impossible standard of happiness can only have a negative impact in the long run, and sometimes you just have to follow what feels good at the time and have faith that if you’re being true to yourself, everything will pan out in the end.
So, to finish, I need to remember – don’t let the chase for ultimate happiness detract from the life you lead now. Realise how far you’ve come, how well you’ve done, how much you’ve developed in yourself. You’re in control of your own life, and destiny, and you know that.
Trust your instincts, and everything will work out okay. Better than okay – perfect.