Poetry: ‘Press Refresh’

February 27, 2017 2 min read

Poetry: ‘Press Refresh’

February 27, 2017 2 min read

mental health poetry

How do I press refresh?

On my body, on my head

Undo all my bad habits and behaviours and self hatred and just start again

I wasn’t always like this

I wasn’t always sad

Wishing I could go back in time, I tell myself

I wouldn’t do it like this

I’d stop, before it got this bad

But the truth is, and I know this – I have to earn it

Have to earn and work my way out of this hell

It won’t work otherwise, just a temporary fix

Every time I say it will be the last

But the urge to binge is pulling me down

Feels like such sweet sanctuary from real life

My sad sorry self is just so willing to crack

I need time out, away, distance

From triggers and supermarket aisles and everyone else eating as they please

From mirrors and pressure and the laptop screen

Having to always be the best version of me


How do I press refresh?

On this failing machine that is my mind and now my body

Turn it off, then on again

Let it hum to life and restore power

Shine brightly

Be a good person

Be a good friend

Because all I care about right now is me

and my next meal

Depression swamps everything that I feel


If I could press refresh, reboot

Go back to the time I last worked properly, if there was such a thing

Then maybe I could fight it


If only starting over in life was a simple as switching ourselves off then back on

Viruses gone

But it’s not.

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About Me

Hi! I'm Sophie.

Writer, thinker, often overwhelmed.I like to talk about film, feelings and feminism. Not necessarily in that order.

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  • Cancelling your hair appointment and using the money to buy a new lens instead = solid life decision.
  • Here’s my cute chubby face to tell you a couple of things: 1️⃣ I had the best weekend with @kimhigson being the most me I have ever been, watching some incredible live netball and finally seeing Avengers: Endgame (still processing), and 2️⃣ My photos from my dreamy trip to Sweden are all edited and live on my photo account @sophslens_, or you can swipe to see a few. Thanks @mathew_curran for snapping this one ☺️📸
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  • Some of my favourite snaps from Reykjavík round 2. We came back with sore feet, tired legs and much lighter pockets (Iceland is pricey, people!), as well as a friendship even more incredible than it was before we left. I adore you @hbensonx.
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  • I’ve been spending a lot of time here, because anywhere else feels a bit too scary at the moment. Who’d have thought that throwing your old life into the fire, and letting it burn up to create a new one, would have such lasting hurdles? Its a strange feeling to know that you wouldn’t want to go back, but sometimes wish that you could. I’m done with the pressure and the comparison of trying to replace what I’ve let go of. Solitude, it turns out, is the best thing for now. And this room, with its comfy bed and grey walls and light in all the right places, isn’t such a bad place to find it.

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