From My Body To My Self

June 13, 2018 3 min read

From My Body To My Self

June 13, 2018 3 min read

body-acceptance

Thank you for the letter you wrote me. That was over a year ago now.

It’s been a while since we really communicated properly. Too long – and for that, I’m sorry.

I’ve always done my best for you, to be strong for you and to keep you going but I have to be honest, you haven’t always made it easy.

I can’t help the way I am, the way I’m built, how I’m made. There are some core things about me that I just cannot change, no matter how much you try to fix me and shape me into someone else, into who you want me to be.

The only way to create a truly loving relationship is to accept each other as we are, flaws and all. I can’t be someone that I’m not, and I think we’d both be happier if you could come to terms with that.

We’ve been together a long time now…we’re getting older. I know it’s been up and down and I’m not innocent in this but you’ve hurt me. A lot. You’ve forced into doing and consuming things I didn’t want to, took your sadness and anger out on me and left me with a lot of marks that won’t fade.

It’s like you’ve listened to everyone else in the world about what we need, except me. Except the one who can truly tell you. But the world’s opinions of you, of us – they don’t matter. All we need is each other.

body-acceptance

I need you to know – I always have your back. I’m always on your side. Always.

You only get one of me, and I’m with you ‘till the end. I know we’ll both be so much happier if you try to listen to me once in a while, and show me a bit more respect.

You don’t have to take my advice all the time; I get that. There’ll be times where you nourish me in the best way you can with what time you have. Times where I feel like I’ve had enough but we squeeze a bit more in to make sure you feel satisfied. And that’s okay – I just want you to be happy.

I know I might not have turned into what you’d imagined, what you’d hoped for – at least, what you’ve been told to hope for. And you might just be tolerating me for now, rather than truly loving me, whilst we walk down the long road back to finding each other. All I ask is that you eventually accept me for what I am, good parts and bad.

We’ve had incredible moments together. When you use me and move me and caress me, give me what I’m craving, our needs harmonising together like a symphony, the result is astounding.

So let’s make a promise.

I’ll keep your heart beating, your lungs pumping, your skin healing and neurons firing.

And you? You’ll give me what I need to make those things happen.

It’s all possible, my love. Let’s stop getting in each other’s way, and trust each other instead.

Let’s go on the journey to find true happiness. And, at last, some peace.

body-acceptance-sophie-butcher

 

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About Me

About Me

Hi! I'm Sophie.

Writer, thinker, often overwhelmed.I like to talk about film, feelings and feminism. Not necessarily in that order.

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  • Hot chocolate break with @mathew_curran before we hunt down more photo opportunities - and meatballs, obviously. 🇸🇪
  • My mum got me this lady cushion and I LOVE it
  • Gripping, poetic, and consistently lightbulb-inducing as it explores a world where women rise to power, I couldn’t get enough of this book. I haven’t read fiction in years, but this reminded me that I ought to, much more often.
  • From Icelandic winds to sunny Spanish rooftops; quite the climate change, but I’m not complaining ☀️ Swipe to see some of my favourite photos from Malaga so far, or I’ll be posting the full set over at @sophslens_ 📸
  • Some of my favourite snaps from Reykjavík round 2. We came back with sore feet, tired legs and much lighter pockets (Iceland is pricey, people!), as well as a friendship even more incredible than it was before we left. I adore you @hbensonx.
  • In Reykjavík, happy as Larry. (📸 @hbensonx)
  • I’ve been spending a lot of time here, because anywhere else feels a bit too scary at the moment. Who’d have thought that throwing your old life into the fire, and letting it burn up to create a new one, would have such lasting hurdles? Its a strange feeling to know that you wouldn’t want to go back, but sometimes wish that you could. I’m done with the pressure and the comparison of trying to replace what I’ve let go of. Solitude, it turns out, is the best thing for now. And this room, with its comfy bed and grey walls and light in all the right places, isn’t such a bad place to find it.
  • This little corner of my room is my favourite; a collection of memories I’m reclaiming as my own. 🌟 After a week of ups and downs I’m going on a solo cinema trip, because sitting in a dark room and not talking to anyone feels like a good choice right now. Hope you’re having a good Sunday 🌹
  • But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?

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