My Binge Eating Recovery: An Update

August 4, 2017 3 min read

My Binge Eating Recovery: An Update

August 4, 2017 3 min read

binge eating disorder recovery

The further I get along this road, the more I realise that there is no destination. Everything is a journey. Even when you think you’ve gotten somewhere, to your goal…there’s always somewhere else to aim for. Or a long way to fall backwards.

I’d thought that this time would be the one that would stick. But maybe that was my mistake, for thinking that once you start getting better, you just keep getting better. That recovery is a linear thing that just keeps going up and forward. I’m realising now that it’s not. It goes up, and down, and up again. But hopefully you come out of it alive.

Back in April I resolved to make a change, for good. To take the steps I needed to stop binge eating and recover from the eating disorder that seems to have swallowed my life and my health just as I have swallowed so much during this time. I went days binge free, chronicled each day online. I thought it would make me accountable, and it kind of did, but it wasn’t sustainable. More importantly, this approach was never going to be my road to recovery.

I got to 66 whole days binge free, and it felt really good, but was never solving the problem. I built an audience, albeit a very, very small one, and started receiving messages from people spilling out their problems, asking me how I’d done it. It felt nice, of course it did, and I so value their support and feel so good to think I might be helping them too just by showing them they’re not alone – there are so few people talking about this stuff. I even posted a blog post with my own personal best advice to beat binge eating, a post which has some good advice in, but definitely isn’t the full picture. It doesn’t properly consider the need for therapy or counselling, recovering from diet culture, or having an ED-trained dietitian to help you, which is the better way to go about beating binge eating.

With the online accountability I had built came a pressure. You get to a point where you need to just start living without thinking of a close captioned way to express it online. I was saying I was binge-free but couldn’t decide whether that was true or whether I was just giving it a different label. So, I decided to take a break, not post for a few days. And that was fine, but it was the start of a slippery slope. I didn’t necessarily binge on those days, but after a while away, posting my days again seemed impossible. I’d always wanted to get to 100 but realistically, sharing those graphics was never going to last or truly tackle my eating disorder.

If you’re a fellow binge eater reading this, I hope you don’t think less of me. I hope this piece of honesty makes you realise there’s not one road or even an easy road to recovery, and that I was never trying to present that to you. But we can overcome this, together. xx

***This post was edited in May 2018 to remove any triggering content and to try and convey my experience with eating disorders more responsibly. If you are at all affected by this post, please contact eating disorder charity Beat.***

 

No Comments

Leave a Reply

About Me

About Me

Hi! I'm Sophie.

Writer, thinker, often overwhelmed.I like to talk about film, feelings and feminism. Not necessarily in that order.

Follow Me

Instagram

  • Thank god for @hbensonx 💜
  • Sleepy baby sunbathing 💔 (she clawed me across the face earlier, do not let this cuteness fool you)
  • I (mostly) stopped wearing makeup months ago and it’s been a game changer. It sounds stupid, but when I see this in the mirror, it actually feels like my face now, rather than what I look like in between coats of foundation. Plus I get an extra 20 minutes of sleep every morning. Why didn’t I do this sooner?
  • Cancelling your hair appointment and using the money to buy a new lens instead = solid life decision.
  • Here’s my cute chubby face to tell you a couple of things: 1️⃣ I had the best weekend with @kimhigson being the most me I have ever been, watching some incredible live netball and finally seeing Avengers: Endgame (still processing), and 2️⃣ My photos from my dreamy trip to Sweden are all edited and live on my photo account @sophslens_, or you can swipe to see a few. Thanks @mathew_curran for snapping this one ☺️📸
  • Hot chocolate break with @mathew_curran before we hunt down more photo opportunities - and meatballs, obviously. 🇸🇪
  • My mum got me this lady cushion and I LOVE it
  • Gripping, poetic, and consistently lightbulb-inducing as it explores a world where women rise to power, I couldn’t get enough of this book. I haven’t read fiction in years, but this reminded me that I ought to, much more often.
  • From Icelandic winds to sunny Spanish rooftops; quite the climate change, but I’m not complaining ☀️ Swipe to see some of my favourite photos from Malaga so far, or I’ll be posting the full set over at @sophslens_ 📸

Follow Me!

Categories

×